I wish

I wish I didn't hope it were you calling, every time the phone rings.
I wish I could bring myself to delete your numbers off of my speed dial.
I wish you didn't show up in my list of people who've messaged me on the dating website that we met on.
I wish I hadn't been thinking of the things we could do together in the days, weeks, months and years to come.
I wish that I hadn't felt the urge to say "I love you" every time I held you.
I wish I had said it.
I wish I could believe that it would have made a difference if I had.

From out of nowhere...

I'm not totally sure why I blog here. I haven't told anyone that I blog. I don't even think you can find this if you google my name. But I guess that makes it a reasonably private journal. And perhaps at some point I'll link to this.

In the mean time...

It's funny how life throws curves at you. I'd pretty much decided that I was going to stop looking for romance for the time being, that I would get through the holiday season and perhaps even wait until my divorce is final in March before I tried to find someone. And then out of the blue I was contacted by someone through one of the dating websites that I had joined earlier this year. She wanted to know what a Jewish guy was doing wearing a kilt.

Apparently my reply didn't scare her off, and in the last week or so we've been emailing back and forth, friended each other on Facebook, chatted online for hours on end and made a date to get together this weekend.

I've never met her face to face, but I have so enjoyed the correspondence back and forth. Getting to know her has been exciting. I wait with eager anticipation after each email that I send her to see what she will say next. Truth be told, I'm a little smitten with her.

I'm trying to manage my expectations. For all I know, when she and I meet face to face we won't get along. Or perhaps she won't like me. Or I won't like her. And we live so far apart. So much remains uncertain. But it's hard to override the excitement and anticipation and keep my dreams in check. So for now, at least I have the possibility. And who knows, maybe the reality will meet or even surpass my hopes...

Second!

Well, since my first post a lot has changed. Or perhaps just one thing. I'm still the same age, I still have two boys who won't wear kilts, I'm just no longer married.

And my brother has moved from half a continent away to within 20 miles of me.

And I've been attending synagogue regularly again for the first time since college.

So more than one thing. On the other hand, I still have no idea what to blog about. I have briefly entertained the thought of chronicling my new single life, but frankly there just isn't that much to write about. The weeks that I have my boys are pretty much the same domestic routine that I had before, minus the wife. The weeks that I don't have the boys offer a little more variety: I ride my motorcycle ("Vicky"), I sing in the choir, I visit with friends. But none of that particularly inspires me to put pen to paper, or fingers to keys, or whatever. Perhaps once I start dating I'll have something to write about. But perhaps not. The jury's still out on when that will be. I did try dating a little. I actually enjoyed it. But the burgeoning relationship fizzled, and I was left wondering what had happened.

I have also thought about making this a baking blog. I've been baking bread, and it could be fun to chronicle my progress. So maybe I'll do that. We'll see...

First!

So this is my first blog post ever. Welcome to my blog, which will probably be updated even less often than my brother updates his.

So who am I? I am a 25(hex) year old guy who lives and works in Southern California and occasionally wears a kilt. I am married and have two young sons, neither of whom will yet agree to wear a kilt. My hobbies are woodworking (mostly wood turning) and cooking.

So watch this space. More words will appear here as if by magic as I figure out just what the heck to write.